Learning about Forgiveness

Good morning bloggers! :-) Today's blog is about forgiveness. (I thought I had already learned this lesson by the way!) Last week week or was it week before last when my grandson was so ill I was trying to be a good daughter and let my parents know what was going on. I almost didn't tell them about this and wanted to wait till after the crisis was over but thought no that's not right and I need their prayers. I knew my dad would take the news okay but I wasn't so sure about my mom. A little history on my mom...................My mom is the oldest of fifteen children. She was born to migrant farm workers back in the 30's. My grandma went to the second grade and could never read or write. My grandfather could read and write but his world was his home, his sheep and family. Her parents were very "unloving" towards her growing up and I grew up hearing stories about being disciplined with a barber belt of all things. I knew my mom had a hard life but it wasn't until I grew up how I realized that would effect how she would raise my sister and I. She was and is a good mother. She made sure that we both had every thing we ever needed and some of what we wanted. She was strict with us but we knew that this was because she loved us. However for all my mom's wonderful qualities she was "unloving" towards my sister and I physically. By that I mean hugs were in short supply. She would kiss us goodbye and goodnight. But that was it.....which is a good thing and not bad. BUT I was and still am a very sensitive and emotional person so there were many times when I was hurt over something as trivial as having a fight with a friend I would want my mom to hug me and tell me it was going to be okay.........I wanted to be comforted. Instead I would be given the speech that I needed to buck up and be tough. I wasn't to cry as it was a sign of weakness and I was to come across to the whole world like I had my stuff together. Looking back this was a lot to ask of a kid plus it's just wrong thinking. However I know NOW because of my moms upbringing this was all she knew and this is what she was passing on to me. I didn't get beaten. I didn't get harsh punishment. I did get told off in Spanish though. ha! Now that was funny but another totally different story I may tell you another time. My mom was a good mom....I don't want this to come across as something bad on her part. This is all about me and how I thought these actions hadn't effected me. Okay now to present time.....my mom has mellowed a lot. She has gotten older and realized how short a life she has left on this earth. She also suffers from depression and so that in and of it's self has changed her so much. She cries easier these days and has just softened. When I visit she wants me to hug on her a lot and I do. But it's still weird to me. Who is this changed person...where's the tough drill sergeant mom? Ha! Oh and did I mention my mom is the QUEEN of worry. If she hasn't anything to worry about...she worries about that. So I knew when I called her about my grandson being sick this was going to worry her. I don't like causing my mom undue worry so I try and limit the things that I tell her. After I told her what was going on I told her I would call with any changes. Now I knew deep in my mind that she wasn't going to wait for me to call her. And she didn't. She called and she called and she called. And she tried calling my daughter I am sure too. It was driving me up a tree. And as the week progressed and still there was no answer to what ailed him she started trying to comfort me and it just ticked me off. I was short with her. I didn't want to hear it and I was tired of her calling me so much. Because after all I couldn't show weakness. And I couldn't cry on her shoulder...I had to be a tough little soldier with her at least. Whew! After my grandson got to come home and the doctors said all would be well I called mom to report the news. She had called my daughter and found this out herself as I wasn't quick enough for her. Ha! She was content and that is a good thing. But days later I had this sense of discomfort in my soul. I knew something was up and I couldn't pinpoint the cause of my distress. I kept thinking about my mom and how I had treated her. And even though I hadn't been rude.........I had not been the loving, kind daughter of Christ that I have been called to be. I KNEW this to the depths of my soul that I had a problem. So I asked my husband. He listened and gave his take on it but what he had to say didn't sound right either. So I called a dear friend who is also my aunt that lives in California. She is very spiritual and loves the Lord so much. She lives the walk she talks. Oh and did I mention this is my mom's younger sister? So she was raised the same way my mom was. I told her about my grandson. I told her about mom and how I had treated her. I told her of my struggle with finding out exactly what it was that had me so bothered. She listened and asked me....have you prayed and asked God to show you the "root" of your problem? No I hadn't prayed that specific. So I did and the same day it came to me..........don't you just love that saying.......it came to me....(that was God my friends) that when I was little and wanted my mom to comfort me she wouldn't. I felt cheated by this and swore I would never be like this with my children. I thought I had forgiven that treatment based on the fact that she had such a rough life and I just knew better. But what I didn't realize is that I was not allowing her to comfort me so that I could make her pay for how she had treated me many times. BINGO! I felt horrible. I hadn't really forgiven my mom's treatment. I had justified it, buried it, etc. I prayed and asked God's forgiveness right away and I called my mom to apologize to her. I think I would have spilled my guts out if she would have let me but she wouldn't. She just said "oh don't you worry about it.....you were just worried about your grandson" and that was that. As far as she was concerned it wasn't even an issue. Talk about grace from an unexpected source. My mom has changed and I am so thankful to God for that change. I am also so thankful that he showed me the error of my ways. I have prayed that he will pull this root out. I know he will. And I know I will be tested again.........cause after all I have lots of living to still do and tribulation will come and I will be calling her again. Here's hoping I really learned my lesson to forgive.



I am so thankful to our savior Jesus Christ who saved me from my sins...past...present...and future. He gave me a wonderful parents who love me so much. He gives me so much grace and has even shown my mom how to forgive, change, and give grace. Praise God for this.

I also learned that I need to be upfront with my mom. I need to show my emotions and don't act tough. I need to show her love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control....hmmmm those sound like the fruit of the spirit. Amazing!



It's funny how God works................guess what we are studying in our bible study group..........yep you guessed it....forgiveness. God is so good. So as Jesus said in Matthew 6:12...."Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." Good advice don't ya think! Forgive me for making this post so long. I am sure there is a quicker way to say what I did but then that just wouldn't be me. Until next time.........be blessed.